Mar 21, 2010

Gardens and Prayer In Need

It's been far too long since I posted or visited any of you dear ladies in Blogland.  Life has a way of getting in the way of frivolity on occasion, doesn't it?  As much as I love blogging and bloggers, let's face it.  In the big picture, it's frivolity.  Wonderful frivolity, but frivolity!  It seems like life has been filled with one crisis after another for the last couple of years.  I've had to take a few unwanted breaks from blogging, which I regret.  Spending time in the blogs of the many wonderful friends I've met in this techno world is a most pleasant time of escape! 

My parents are in a real crisis, the simple result of the growing older.  Many of you know that my precious father is in the end stage of pulmonary disease.  He had another heart attack in January and there is in a battle going on between the frailness of body and the desires of a man 40 years younger.  He wants to work hard and drive a car and do his own car and house repairs.  He wants to carry the groceries in for my mother and take her dinner.  None of that is possible now, as he is restricted to sitting in his chair with oxygen every waking hour.  My mother is fairly healthy for a nearly 80 year old woman.  However, heartbreaking sadness has struck again.  She is rapidly going blind from macular degeneration.  I am heartbroken because I strongly pushed her to have cataract surgery.  I went to Tennessee a couple of weeks ago to take her and spent a week afterward.  The cataract surgery has caused her slow moving dry type macular disease to change to a very rapid, much more serious form of wet macular degeneration.  She will lose her vision rapidly.  The only hope to slow the loss down is to begin a treatment of month injections in the eye.  I am heartsick for my poor little mother and I am suffering with terrific guilt that I so strongly pushed her to have the cataract surgery.  Of course I thought it would help her, since she is the only driver in the home when I can't be there.  I mean, unfortunately I can't go down there just to pick up prescriptions or get groceries.  But oh my gosh, what have I done.

My husband and I have been to my parents home 600 miles away four times since Christmas.  We often have to plan these trips immediately after my infusion at the chemo clinic when, to be truthful, I feel as if I can barely take care of myself, not to speak of taking care of others!  We leave again soon and will be making at least monthly trips to take care of everyday business as well as repairs and their medical visits.  It is an incredible "job" to single handedly care for elderly, ill parents, as many of you already know.  But they're incredible parents and it's an incredible heartbreak.  So it's an incredibly easy choice to make.  I am one of four children in my family and this job is mine alone it seems, for a variety of reasons, some absolutely valid, some not.  I never forget the blessing of the husband I have, who willingly and joyously sacrifices and helps me to care for my parents and their home.  We've talked many times about the loneliness and sadness of being alone in this journey and we can only come to the conclusion that we can only answer to God for ourselves and it is the right thing for us to do on so many levels.  I cherish my parents and I will be inconsolable when either are gone, though I know they will be healthy again and joyous with God their Savior.  That thought helps me to face these heart rendering trips to their home, when my mind expects to see two beautiful, energetic people waiting for us with the pool and the barbecue ready! 

If you are a believer I would cherish your prayers for my parents and for me as we face these final days as a complete family on earth together.  Since there's been a bit of storm in my life lately I enjoyed this little poem, oh so true!  I hope you enjoy it too.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...

It's about learning to dance in the rain.

How To Plant Your Garden

First, you Come to the garden alone,

while the dew is still on the roses....



1. Peace of mind

2. Peace of heart

3. Peace of soul


1. Squash gossip

2. Squash indifference

3. Squash grumbling

4. Squash selfishness


1. Lettuce be faithful

2. Lettuce be kind

3. Lettuce be patient

4. Lettuce really love one another


1. Turnip for meetings

2. Turnip for service

3 Turnip to help one another


1. Thyme for each other

2. Thyme for family

3. Thyme for friends

4 Thyme for prayer



Technonana said...

Hey Sweetie... Oh I so know the pain!!! And Papa and I are going thru something simular now... but we only have his mom left.
I am emailing you now!!
Loving you in Him!

Laurie said...

Oh, Kathy, I knew it has been a while since you posted on your blog, and I am so sorry to read about your parents' trials with their health & aging. Your faith in Christ gives you the strength to go through this with them, and I will pray for all of you as you travel this road. My husband and I have gone through losing 1 parent each in the past 2 years,and my husband is visiting his father in another state this weekend, the first visit since his mother's funeral. My mother lives by my sister and has Alzheimers; my sister is her caretaker and I struggle with being so far away and not being there to help. But my sister is also a believer, and she knows it is truly God's plan for her to be with our mom right now.

I don't know if you have ever been to this site, but I discovered it just a few days ago: - (Help & encouragement for the Sandwich Generation Issues from caring for elderly parents to enjoying activities for grandparents & grandchildren.) The address is:

The poem you shared is such a blessing to read and take to heart. Thank you for opening your heart to us, and I know that God will hear the prayers of the saints for all of you.
May you be wrapped in His arms today and in the days ahead, Kathy.

"I will say to the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.' Surely He will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His feathers,
and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."
Psalm 91:2-5

In Christ,

southerninspiration said...

Oh my dear sweet Kathy, I knew you faced challenges, but did not know the extent of those you face with your parents' health situations......bless your heart for all you go through to take care of really should NOT feel guilty about urging your mom to have the cataract were right in trying to make it easier on her to be able to drive...please don't burden yourself with this guilt. I will be praying for you and your parents.....I can't imagine how hard this must be...take care, my friend.


Tardevil said...

So sorry for all you're going through! You had the best intentions for your mom, so try not to feel guilty. Things happen for a reason. Will remember you and your family in my prayers. It's hard to understand why the others won't 'step up', isn't it?

Rose Haven said...

Tom and I will be praying...


happily retired gal said...

I've added all of you to my prayer list. I hope with all my heart that you'll be able to let go of any lingering guilt you carry for guilt (and worry) are such pointless energy drains. Remember always that you were doing your best and (as Don Miguel Ruiz reminds us in THE FOUR AGREEMENTS) our best is always good enough. Thanks so much for sharing the marvelous 'gardening' reminder for all of us ... I've printed out a copy to post where I'll see it daily and remember each of you in prayer.
Hugs and blessings,

Heather said...

Oh Kathy, I know what you are going through. We are dealing with similar issues with my grandparents. They have four daughters (one of which is my mom) and she is primarily the one that has to do everything. No one wants to help. I help when I can but she ultimately has it all thrown on her shoulders. And the sad thing is, that her house & mine are about 45 minutes away from my grandparents but one of my mom's sisters lives 5 minutes away and refuses to help. It's sad. I'll be praying for you and your parents. will you pray for mine too? My grandfather just had another little stroke and now he can't walk. He's in a hospital rehab place with no date for release yet. Possibly another 3 weeks, but nothing is definite. He's not doing well at all. Getting old is so hard.

Charlotte said...

I so identify with these problems and you have my prayers, Kathy. Circumstances caused us to move about the same distance from my folks as you are from yours about 20 years ago. They were in their late 70s and I knew they would need me. We had previously lived in the same city for 19 years. It was heartbreaking for me to have to move away and leave them when I knew they would need me. It was less than 10 years later that they both had to be in taken to a nursing home with dementia. My dad died about three months later and my mom died exactly a year after he died. They both died on September 3. Labor Day weekend is not a pleasant time for me. I was an only child so decisions were all left up to me and my dear husband. It is so sad to see once healthy vital people become helpless. I know it won't be too long until I am in that situation. The years fly by so fast.
I guess we all have regrets about different things, but you definitely don't need to feel guilty about urging your mom to have the eye surgery. I think anyone would have made the same decision.
Blessings and Prayers for you,

Ceekay- Thinkin of Home said...

Finally read this post. You know we both care about you and what you are going through with your parents. You are a great daughter and have absolutely no reason to feel any guilt. Kathy, Kathy, Kathy, will be blessed for what you you.

Mimi said...

Kathy, you and your husband will be constantly in my prayers, as well as your precious Momma and Daddy. My husband and I have each walked your walk and it isn't an easy one. But find comfort in the wonderful memories shared between loving parents and their precious daughter and son-in-law as you make your journey. As hard as this time is on you, the time when they are healed and praising our Father face to face and we're left here alone without their love and protection is much, much harder I feel. May God's Amazing Grace touch you and give you peace for the guilt you're feeling.

In God's Love,