Lellow's Gone

From the moment I found out I was going to be a grandmother for the first time I had a deep bond with that precious baby girl. I was born to be a grandmother! I've always known it - even when I was a young mother. So imagine my joy in March 2004 when my dream come true was born! Sydney was a preemie and had to be re-admitted to the hospital when she was home for just a few days. Our daughter was just in miserable shape with a kidney infection so my husband and I convinced our son-in-law to take our daughter home to recover in bed and we stayed with our first precious grandchild for the first couple of days she was back in the hospital. She nearly died. She couldn't be admitted to the nursery because she had already been released. She was placed in a tiny room alone. Sydney had very little body fat so she could not maintain a healthy body temperature. I'll never forget how hot it was in that room! The temperature was set at 90 degrees in order to keep her warm enough, even though she was under a couple of lights to treat her jaundice. This poor baby was the most fragile thing I'd ever touched - it was like holding a bag full of marbles...all skin and bones. She was born before the sucking instinct is fully developed so she couldn't bottle feed very well. We were told we could not speak near her or touch her except for at specific times when the nurses unhooked her from some of the things attached to her in order to change her diaper and to have a bottle feeding lesson. They wanted her to have total sedation and rest in order to recover. So "Papa" and I sat in that room watching over our little baby bird for two days.

Sydney never opened her eyes or responded a single time - until the second night. The nurse asked if I would like to change and feed Sydney - you know I jumped at the chance! As I held her to my chest as tightly as I dared, two precious blue bird eyes opened up and met mine in a deep, knowing stare. Both my husband and I melted in a flood of tears. We KNEW at that moment she was ok. For the first time we could see life in that sweet baby's face. I said to Sydney, "there you are, Love" and she gently closed her eyes and slept in my arms. That moment remains one of the most precious, cherished moments of my life!

Now five years later, we celebrate Sydney's 5th birthday. She has grown to be a healthy, bright, inquisitively, busy little girl and we are so grateful to God that He brought her into our lives!

Sydney now has a PRECIOUS little sister whom Mimi also adores, but that's another story for July!

Oh! I almost forgot...about lellow. Sydney's favorite color has always been "lellow". I LOVE that she said lellow. I asked Sydney on her birthday what her favorite color is, just to hear her say it. And she said YELLOW. Oh, my...lellow's gone. Darn it, now it'll only be a week or two until my little blue bird wants a lellow car!

Here's a poem I wrote for Sydney as her first birthday approached.

I Always Knew You

As long as I can remember, I have waited for you.
I knew you would be the one to fill the garden,
To clear the clouds always from the sun,
To overflow the cup of joy.
The moment I was told you were coming, I knew you would fill any vacant place…
A baby button picture held my heart in it’s grasp.
Tiny shoes waited for your feet.
As I watched you emerge from your mother,
As I sat by your bed those first tenuous days and nights -
I knew it was you, as I watched and waited.
The moment of true recognition, of knowing, came as a gift in a dark, hot hospital room.
You opened your eyes, then deep pools of gray, and looked directly into my own tired weepy eyes
As if to say, “Yes, it’s me. I’m here. I’m your heart.”
At that moment, my heart continued to beat only because of the gray.
“There you are, Love” I answered aloud.
Our two hearts swirled and danced together as one,
In that ancient miracle of bonding between grandmother and grandchild.
It was a rare moment when the world stood still while a single bud opened to full, instant bloom - A moment of clear recognition, who you were at that moment and who I would be to you.
You, the one who would cause the birds to sing, the sky to be blue, the rose to smell sweet,
And I, the one to share them all with you.
You awakened the grandmother always in my soul.

The first year has nearly passed, just as the pages of a dearly loved book are turned.
Slowly at first, the story laying its foundation in a tiny body, a first smile, a giggle.
Then building intensity, sheer delight, as each page becomes more enticing than the one before.
Your head full of dark hair turning to corn silk,
And the gray pools which first held my gaze now dance in a melody of bright blue surf.
Your trade mark baby cheeks have softened to the delicacy of a tiny girl.
Arms and legs, once weak and helpless, are now strong and determined…
Climbing, crawling, standing, pulling, ringing, clutching, clapping, patting, wiggling -
Living.
Dancing to your own rhythm, demanding to be you.
Inquisitive play, excited chatter, a toothy grin, endless pat-a-cake, soft drooling kisses.
The pages of our book come alive each time you see me for the first time and your face electrifies.
A double toothed grin spreads your face to sheer delight,
Your eyes sparkling with yet unspoken baby-heart love, the story always holding me bondage!

New tales of wonder will read from a new chapter…
A second year prevails.
Days of sun and shells, perpetual motion, captured hearts, independent ringing.
It will all be laced with familiarity.
Because as long as I can remember - I waited for you, I wore you in my heart.
My girl.
And I always knew it would be you, my Sydney Bell.

Mimi & Sydney at the beach last summer

Happy birthday, sweet girl. You're my sunshine!